You always take the easiest path, don’t you? Always the easiest path, the simplest one. Think of the sacrifices everyone made for you. Think of what they did for you, all the others, to throw you a little farther ahead than they were able to get. Think of them, the others, who prepared the way for you and made things easier for you. And what will you do? What contribution will you make?
All you’ve ever wanted is a corner in which to work. That’s all you want, isn’t it: a corner, quiet, in which to work. Outside, the storms are raging, outside it’s all going to pot, but you are in your corner, inside, warm and safe and taking account of nothing but what you call your work. Peace, that’s what you want, isn’t it? Peace, that would be enough, wouldn’t it? Is that’s how you’re going to pass your life: in your corner, working away? Will that be what you did with your life, working in your corner while the storms rage outside?
Because the storms are raging and a world is ending. Because they are here, the great storms, and soon the old world will have passed. But you’re working, aren’t you? You’re busy, aren’t you, busy in your corner, too busy for anything but what you call your work. Do you understand what it is like for them, for the rest of them? Do you know what sacrifices were made for you and in your name? And for what? What have you done with your life, what have you done for anything but what you call your work? I’ll tell you what: nothing.
And you’ve done nothing for yourself, do you understand that? You’ve not even done anything for yourself, do you know that? One day, another, on the same detour. One day, another, on the long trail away from life and meaning and purpose. For you took the wrong turn, didn’t you? You let yourself get lost, didn’t you? And where have you found yourself? In the corner, working in the corner. In the corner, away from the others, your back turned to the world, working.
And what is it you’re working on? What is it that’s so important you’ve neglected everyone around you? What is it of such world-shaking significance which means you can justify your neglect of everything about you? What is the mighty task for which you require such peace? What is so significant that you require such silence?
Think of them, your ancestors. Think of how they worked, how they came to this country from afar and worked. Think of them, sacrificing themselves for you. What have you done? What is it that you’ve done with your life? For you’re not young, are you? You’re not even young any more, are you? What have you got to show for it, your youth? What can you show for the chances you’ve had?
Isn’t it time to do something with your life? Because there’s no way of justifying it, is there, your life? You can’t justify it to yourself, can you, your life? Is that why you work? Is that why you turn away from the world to work? You’re turning away from yourself, aren’t you, and your own shame? You’re turning away from your shame, the shame that should fill everything you do, aren’t you? Because you know it’s a lie, don’t you? You know your own imposture, don’t you?
You turned your back to the world, and from what needs your attention in the world. You turned your back on the world and ignored the storms of the world. You know it. You know what you might have done. You know what you could have done. And it fills you with shame, doesn’t it? It fills you with shame to think what others might have done in your place, and with the opportunities you had, doesn’t it? It fills you with shame to think of the ancestors, that they came to this country with nothing and made a world for themselves with nothing?
What a childhood you had! You wanted for nothing! They had nothing, your ancestors, and what did you have – everything? It fills you with shame, doesn’t it, which is why you call out for peace and turn yourself to the wall? It makes you ashamed, doesn’t it, which is why you draw the curtains and turn to your corner? Everyone did what they could for you and what do you do? Nothing.
But you’re getting old, there’s no question of that. Old, and you’re cultivating tics, aren’t you? Old – and you’ve tics and quirks, haven’t you? Your eyes and dulling and your hair is greying. It’s going wrong, you can’t deny that. Old, old, and what have you done? Old, too many years passed, and what are you doing?
You took the easy path, didn’t you? You took the way of indolence and idleness, didn’t you? You took the way of laziness and slackness, didn’t you? The storms are raging, and what are you doing? The world’s tearing itself apart and what have you done?
Quirks and tics – that’s your future, isn’t it? You’re becoming an eccentric, aren’t you? Life’s giving you up, isn’t it? Life’s giving up on you, isn’t it? Tics and quirks, and soon they’ll have to make excuses for you, your friends and family, won’t they? Quirks and tics, and they’ll have to excuse you, won’t they? Because you’ve turned away from them, haven’t you? You’ve turned away from everything and everyone, haven’t you? And soon the process will be complete. Soon, it will be done. You’ll tell yourself, I failed, but I tried. You’ll say to yourself, I failed, but I tried – but that is a lie. Because in the end, you took the easiest of routes, didn’t you?
What have you done? What have you achieved? Nothing. But that’s not new. You knew that, didn’t you? You knew it had to be that way, didn’t you? But what’s worse – what’s so much worse is that you never tried, did you? Worst of all is that you did not try, did you? You’re getting old, you can’t ignore that, though you try to. You’re getting old, and you’re too old to lie to yourself, aren’t you?
All around you the storms are raging. All around you – the raging storm. And you turned from the storms. You turned away. You turned – and what is worst is you knew you were turning. You turned – you knew, by the shame in you, you knew. In shame, you knew – knew from what you were turning, just as you still know it. And isn’t that the worst thing about you? Isn’t that the worst, that you know what you’ve done and what you’re doing?
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