Up early enough, ready to work, but the usual tiredness. Up early – before eight o’clock, and read for work, ready to write, ready to pull the chair to the desk to begin, but tiredness, the usual tiredness, and vagueness, the usual vagueness. I was up early, ready to begin, even as I knew I was too tired to begin, too tired and too vague, and there would be no beginning made, that today was not the day for beginnings, quite the opposite, today is the day of non-beginning, the day in which it returns as it has always returned, the non-beginning.
Up early, as I am always up early, ready to begin, as I am always ready to begin, but I was already vague, I was already tired, though nothing had happened, and the day was just beginning. Early – but already too late. Up early – but I’d got up too late; I missed the beginning, I’d lost hold on the beginning, and how was I now to begin? Up early, but already dazed – early, but the day was too much; I’d lost the beginning, I’d lost hold of the beginning, I’d failed to keep my appointment, or was it the beginning had failed to keep its appointment with me? – No matter, there was to be no beginning, not today.
Nothing would begin, on today of all days. Today, yes, the day of all days, the eternal non-beginning, the day that turns around the same impossibility of beginning. Today of all days! That was it – that’s the formulation! Today is the day no day can begin. Today – the non-beginning day, which turns around the same. Today – the eternal to-come of non-beginning; failed day, botched day, failure as the to-day, botching as its coming; advent without advent.
It will not begin, not today, today of all days. Not today – all the days that did not begin are here, all of them. All the days pressed and concentrated here, in this non-day. Up early – and for what? Ready to work – but for what? Pulling the chair to the table – but for what?
Lars Iyer's Blog 